a day...a WED-NES-day

oooh today was a day. a WEDNES-day. i've exhausted ALL of my options for finding language courses, and the only possibility is a tutoring service that comes to your house for 37.60 euros. that's nearly $60 an hour! i'll make one last call tomorrow to the english teacher at the local high school, but after that, i really don't know what to do. this is such a let down. i feel so defeated. i dropped the little girl off at music and then felt so bad for myself that i went in the bathroom and cried. and then i got mad that i was having a pity party. uhh it was a mess. ooh and this was after the little boy had a 20 minute crying/yelling fit that culminated in him throwing his snotty tissue at me, to which i called his mother and they had a little chat. you can be a snot-nosed little boy, but you will not throw snotty tissues at me. thank you. anyway, that ended with him apologizing to me. so that's behind us.

but even through all that bad news, i still stayed upbeat, though there was a constant theme of failure today. hahah i semi-burnt their pizza at lunch and then the pottery teacher told me that she ccould speak to me if i spoke french, and then she stopped talking to me. but i dunno, those are all just little stinky things that if i was in the comforts of my home with someone to listen to my day, they would get me down. but here, i really just have me, and i don't really feel that bad for myself, so i just have to suck it up and move on. i mean really, what's it matter if the pottery teacher said that to me? she didn't mean it in a mean way, and if she did, well that sucks that she's mean. i can be nice or i can be mean or i can be indifferent. i choose what i do, not what others do.

i really try not to yell at the kids because i see parents yell at their kids in the park, and it's so unbecoming. the thing is though, with the language barrier, sometimes i can only get across the urgency of the situation if i raise my voice, but i really really try just to make my voice more stern, not louder. i think ill try and work on that more; plus it will give me motivation to learn more words!

i have most of tomorrow free, so i think the salon has a market and i think ill go. however, i want to venture further, so i think either tomorrow or the next time i'm free, ill take the train to the next city for a bit. well that's it for now. im really tired, and i think the mom is gonna wait until the dad comes home to eat (9:30) but i think ill eat with the kids. I need sleep. also, she's coming home an hour late today, so that means me and the chillun will chill for a bit longer.

mmk thanks for caring about my life
chels

oh and another first today: the little girl needed to pee when we were at the park, but the old people center said no. soooo we tried having her pee in the garden, but that entailed me lifting her up so she could pee: as in her butt touching my leg. NO. so that plan was quickly scrapped and we sped to the public toilets.